While perusing the low priced aisles of a 99 cent store in Los Angeles, I came across The Biker Mice from Mars cookie cutter set in the baking section.
I immediately thought this was perfect canon fodder for my 99 cent store post series. If you’re not familiar with the series, click on the 99 cent store category to the right. The series is basically filled with a small but growing collection of mislabeled packages, lost in translation retail goods, and toys that boggle the mind (such as the recently posted Fire Fighting Ninja or the Time Traveling Mongolian/Native American).
At first, I thought that these were a demented attempt by Betty Crocker to entice young boys to take home-economics class in junior high. What better way to get pre-teen boys to bake than with genetically enhanced mice who, after a fruitful trip through a post-apocalyptic (think Mad Max) costume department, decide to hop on their Harley’s and save the world by popping wheelies and shooting guns loaded with black plague bullets. Actually, to the folks at Betty Crocker, the best way to get pre-teen boys to bake is to have cookie cutters shaped like Salma Hayek’s breasts. They’ll be baking angel cakes in no time.
Back to the cookie cutters: These simple thoughts of a Betty Crocker best-breasts-in-Hollywood cookie cutter edition proved to be futile. I am no journalist and have a limited set of ethics, but I do check up on my material to make sure that my hypothetical interpretations were not proven in the real world.
Turns out Biker Mice from Mars was a real life, tried and true cartoon series that lasted from 1993 to 1996! Riding the wave of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle craze, the basic plot line is about three martian mice (Throttle, Modo, and an Italian-Martian mouse named Vinnie) who really dig motocross, the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, and Easy Rider. They escaped war on their home planet (Mars of course, not to be confused with the Scooter Sloths from Saturn) and traveled to Earth to help save us from the same evil that destroyed their home turf.
That evil force is called the Plutarkians and, like most 1990′s cartoon super villain races, they are here to steal our natural resources (platinum, gold, oil, water, gravel, etc.) Evil, obese, greedy, foul smelling, and possibly with Republican endorsement, the Plutarkians bungle their way from outrageous environmental crime to the next all the while being foiled by three alien critters.
If you have 22mins to waste or are under the age of 9, or possibly a combination of both, watch the first episode of this forgotten piece of pop culture below.
